Mr. Right?

 

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Are you one of those women in church waiting on Mr. Right and refusing to budge from your "standards".  Now I am not against standards, but when those "standards" do not make much sense then it might be time for a little chat.   There are those women in church who are already married and even though their spouse do not have half the qualities that they are telling you to look for; they still try to shove this on the single sisters.  At least on the ones who care to listen to what they have to say.  So you find that sisters place undue stress on themselves trying to find someone to fit a mold that is completely unattainable for the most part.

Let me start with the a list of things that I hear women say all the time that makes me want to just shake them and ask them where in the Bible is this written.  Now don't get me wrong you know....to each his own, but the thing is if you have unreasonable, unrealistic expectations of your future husband then you have already lost the battle.   If you feel like you have to have all that is on your list then do not complain that you cannot find anyone.  Stay with your list and wait for that person to show up without complaining.

Anyway as I was saying, here are a few of the things that I hear Christian women ask for in their future husbands......and yes they want ALL of these qualities or else:

1. Must be older 
2. Must be more spiritual
3. Must earn more 
4. Must have a university degree

Let me kind of set the record straight here.  Mr Right can be a lot of things that you did not think about and I want to just share a few things here.  Mr. Right can be:

1. Younger 
2. Be less or equally spiritual
3. Earn less than you
4. Be less educated

Now please do not jump around me, nor start marking X on my forehead.   Moving right along!  Let me say that I have seen many women toss aside a great Christian man, who would make her happy just because he is younger.  Let me hasten to say if this is something that makes you uncomfortable then it is best to stay away from younger men because in order for this to work, both parties have to be comfortable with the idea and not be overly concerned about what people are going to say.  Incidentally that is the main reason that women give why they cannot marry someone who is younger than they are. I would think that the only person we should be overly concerned about when selecting a life partner is God.  God's opinion is the only outside opinion that matters and from God okay with it then everybody else' opinion is null and void.   Can I get an amen!

Oooooooooooh Jesus....yes I said it your future husband can be less or equally spiritual.   Oh boy, I am going to get my armour and return......hahahahahaahhahahaahahahahaaha.....Okay I am back!  So as I was saying and I ask the question many times and have still not gotten a satisfactory answer.  Is it okay for the man to ask that his future wife be more spiritual than he is or equally spiritual?   Why is it that the man has to be more spiritual than the woman or I cannot marry you?   Is it necessary for the man to be more spiritual in order for the marriage to work?   We step into dangerous waters when we add undue stress to people who are already stressed over being single. What we find when we do this is men pretending to be "spiritual" and women falling for it and I don't need to tell you what a disaster this can be. 

Yes your husband can earn less than you! It is not in the bible that he should earn more than you so stop letting this story lead you around like a donkey.   Sometimes we come up with some things that make me want to just simply burst into laughter.  If the two of you have become one then why can't you pool the resources without worrying about who makes what and work together?   I think there would be a lot less stress all around.   Where did we get these ideas from in the first place?  Who came up with these so called rules that should govern how we select our spouse?  How has this been working for the church all these years.

Why is it that so many women insist that their future husbands have a degree? as if having a degree automatically means that you have common sense or know how to treat a woman.  Lord help me today!  Each time I hear it, my spirit groans within me.  The fact that I have a degree or two does not mean my future husband must also have one?  I have seen many men with degrees who do not know how to treat a woman so be careful that you don't get the degree and nothing else...after all is degree you ask for and is degree you get...so easy!  Remember also that having a degree does not mean this person will be earning a lot of money as many believe.

Instead of focusing on those things when seeking a spouse why not seek for someone who loves God; who loves and respects you.  Some of these men without all of the above would take such good care of you; you would feel like a queen.  Some of these men are so glad to have you in their lives that no matter how many other are women in the room; you feel like you are the only one because he gives you his undivided attention.  When you find that person who makes you stop what you are doing to think about him then talk to God about the next move and get his advice.  Stop listening to a bunch of people who have come up with unrealistic expectations that put undue stress on you and your future husband.   I hope I have given you some food for thought!

Controlling Mothers and Spineless Sons

This is a very touchy subject that can be seen at every level of society. Some women seem to want to control their children's lives way after they have become adults. A lot of times these are single women who feel that they are entitled to something since they were mother and father to that son. In other cases these women belong to families with husband and all. Ladies may I submit that you take a page out of the book of the men. As I said this can be seen at every level of society but I want to touch on the women who are supposed to be Christians. Yes! you are the ones I want to speak to.

Do you believe that if you train up your sons in the way they should go then when it is time to pick a wife then they can make the best decision? Well if you have done a good job, I don't see the need for you to want to choose the woman for your son. I have seen many men in church select a wife just to please their mothers, in order to end the fuss. I am not sure why there should even be a fuss in the first place since is the son who will have to live with that woman for the rest of his life. The only place you should be in the equation is to give wise counsel and pray for your son.....BUT the actual selection of that mate should be left to the man.

Now to you spineless men who allow your mothers to run rings around you. It is time to stop! It is time to stand up and choose the person who you are comfortable with. Remember that you will have to live with this person when mummy gone home. I understand that we would all like for everyone to love the person we want to marry but it is more important that we love and respect that person.

So as I said before....if you have trained up your son in the right way, teaching him to make the right decisions after seriously seeking God....then believe that he can make the right decision when the time comes to select a wife.

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Adult Bullies in Church

There is this trend in churches of adult bullies and unfortunately these are mainly middle aged or older women.    Lord give me faith!  These women take it on themselves to be judge and jury of everything and everybody who come through the doors of the church.  What I cannot understand is why they have been allowed to be such a pain to all for so long?  It is not that they are hiding what they are doing or how they are.  The entire church body knows who these women are and what they are doing.....YET they have been allowed to terrorize people for years.

It is sad to say but these women rarely have anything good to say about anybody including the pastor.  Of course they will get along nicely with the pastor if he agrees with them and allow them to terrorize everyone. However, as soon as the pastor stands up to them he/she becomes public enemy number 1.  The other sad thing is many of these women have been in church for many years and have listened to countless sermons.  Now I don't know if they have selective hearing or what....because I know at some point someone must have spoken on the topic of loving one another.   You have to wonder if they were really listening to anything  after all these years.

My concern is the many people they have caused to leave the church because of their nonsense.   You have to be strong to keep grounded when they are around because their words can cut like a knife and have wounded many.  Some persons cannot deal with all this drama and as a result they have left.   Now if they leave to attend another church then that is not so bad....what is bad and more than sad is when they leave and just decide not to have anything to do with church.   

My solution to all this is to ask these women to either shape up or LEAVE! Yes that is what I said....I think we should ask them to find somewhere else to ply their wares.   Many persons have left the church because of these busy bodies; people who could have contributed much more than they are "contributing".  I urge those who are in charge to look into this and do something about it before some churches are left with just them.   Or maybe that would not be such a bad idea, then they could all just go at each other until Jesus comes.

Committment To God and Treatment in Marriage

The other day some friends of mine got into a heated argument on facebook because I believe that if you are truly committed to God then you CANNOT go home and treat your spouse badly. My thing is if a person who is truly a Child of God there is no room in there to be treating your spouse badly. Now I am not talking about minor disagreements, for those are bound to happen. I am talking about treating your spouse so badly that the person would rather not live with you.

Now I don't understand why a pastor or even a regular Christian (who is praying regularly and reading their bible) would not know how to treat their spouse? Even if you cannot read, as long as you know God, then your spouse should be happy to come home to you at the end of the day. It is not rocket science. If the members of your church are happier with you than your spouse is, then it is time to go back to the drawing board.

The bible tells us how we are to treat each other as husbands and wives. Those who do not know or are not sure should leave marriage alone until they know how. Our spouses should get the best treatment whether in public or private. A man or woman who is a committed Christian will make the best spouse there is. That is my story and I am sticking to it.

Expat Librarian

Now I have been working as an expat worker since 2005. I started with Cayman, then went to Barbados, Bahamas and Dominica. In all of these places there is a recurring situation. Expats are not looked on kindly by the persons in the host countries. For some reason they think that we have come to their country to deprive them of a job that they qualify for. There is no compnay that would chose an expat over a native (if that native is qualified). It costs a whole lot for any company to employ an expat so it would serve them much better to hire locally.

So rest assured, that we have not come to deprive you of anything....we are just here to fill a need that the company has. Here is the thing! Find out what it is that the expat has that you do not have and work towards getting that...So the next time that person's contract is up for renewal instead of renewing that contract they can hire you. Believe me, that would sound like music to their ears if as a local you say to them I am now qualified for that position.

There is really no need to try every chance you to get to make us leave...the average expat has very thick skin so you being unkind to them will not make them pack up and leave...unless they really want to. So I propose a truce...a truce between expats and the members of the host country....To those of you who have made us feel welcome, a big thank you to you...but for the others who feel like we are public enemy number one....maybe it is time to lighten up....we don't mean any harm....SERIOUSLY!

For persons who would like to see the world or some of it at no cost...then being an expat worker might be a good thing. A good 5 - 10 year stint is what I would recommend but if you can only manage 2 years or 6 months like I did in one place (I won't mention the name) then that is fine too. It is really a great way to see what other workers are doing in different places. Sometimes there are quite a few things that you can learn to take back to your home country. At other times you might feel like you are in La-La- Land....At the end of the day it is all good and you come away from the experience usually a little wiser....

People Who are Never Thankful

Why is it some people are never thankful? No matter how much they have they keep clamouring for more and never thankful for what they already have. Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with clamouring for more if that is what rocks your boat. The trouble is not being thankful for what you already have even when it is way more than most people have. There are thousands of people who would love to have just a fraction of what you have.

We need to recognize when we are blest and never cease to be thankful. As I always say, look around you and see the many people who do not even have a fraction of what you have. When you compare yourself with others you are way out front. It is a good thing God is not like man for some of us would be left holding nothing; just to give us a wake up call.

Each day I am thankful. I am thankful for every cent that I have in the bank, yes down to the last cent I am thankful for. I am thankful that I can help someone else whenever they have a need. I am thankful that I have a job and good health insurance. I am thankful that I have the activity of my limbs. I am thankful that I can see the sunshine outside my windows.

So let us never cease to be thankful

Seats in Church

Doesn't it just infuriate you when some people in church act like they have the deed to certain seats. People of God we need to stop this very annoying habit. News flash! unless there is a sign that says "Reserved" on the seat then usually the seat is fair game. If you are so concerned about sitting in a particular spot then maybe the thing to do is to come early and claim your spot.

For God's sake though if you arrive in church and God forbid that someone else is sitting in "your" seat then please be Christian enough to sit somewhere else. It is very off putting and annoying to have someone come in way after church start and want you to move to somewhere else.

Now as I said before, if it is a special service and they forgot to put the reserve signs or did not get to put the sign before church started then that is different. As long as your name is not on the seat, then it is fair game and the early bird catches the worm. It is first come, first serve so if someone is already seated, especially if they are already worshipping then PLEASE, PLEASE sit elsewhere. If you have to sit at that seat, then have them place a reserve sign on the seat each Sunday just for you. Good luck with that though for I don't know any pastor who is going to agree to that.